Ready for change

Please bear with me and forgive grammar mistakes. New to this and will have a difficult time as it is.

I registered this blog a very long time ago as a way to document what I have been going through with my husband figuring that if I put it "out there", I could no longer accept what had been going on for the 17 years we have been together. But I also didn't want to sound like a sad, bitter, hag. Thus, this blog stayed unwritten. I keep trying to find a way to describe our situation in a paragraph so I could get on with current dealings. So..

He likes to cheat with other women, whether it be physically, emotionally, inappropriately flirting, "sexting" 

(I actually caught him doong that). Most recent time was June 2012, which brought about the end of our marriage. He comes from a cheating father and has a cheating brother and a cheating brother in law, so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, as they say. I announced his cheating and sexting on my daughters Facebook page because I knew she was still "friends" with females from his family. I knew full well what would happen and the shit storm that would ensue. But, just like the reason I registered this blog, I needed to share MY truth about what was happening in our marriage in order to begin to figure out what to do with my life--a daily process when you're a 55 year old RN who can no longer work--or should I say can't find a job because I'm too high risk to hire base on my injuries and surgery to repair the injuries.

This blog will be my attempt to document what it's like for ME to have to re-invent myself at 55 and become happy again. There WILL be the occasional "Fucks" and other profanity, and if you can't deal-leave. No worries.

So, my journey begins today.

Sunday, Feb. 17th, 2013  0936 a

Snow. Again. Wind is howling because I live close to North facing beaches  & am waiting to lose power like we always do. "Room mate" out in living room on his laptop, I'm in one of my granddaughters bedrooms on mine. One of my daughters and her 3 kiddos lived with us until 2 years ago. Roommate has 100% ownership of our bedroom, MY Sleep Number bed, MY awesome sheets, etc...I couldn't stomach being near him, so sleep in GD's room. When GB's come to visit, I get displaced, as usual, but that's not more than 2x week. More on that another time. 

Wishing there was a place I could go to get away from this idiot. Better yet, wish HE would leave. That will never happen. Saw a lawyer. Judge will not allow divorce to go thru until roommate gets me off this mortgage and gives me 1/2 equity of house-which RM ( room mate) says there is none. I kind of believe him because this house was bought as a fixer upper ( he bought with a no doc mortgage in 2005 after he lost his job of SIXTEEN years and $24.00/hr because of sexual harassment-another story) and he never fucking fixed anything up! I worked 2 fucking jobs to support his spawn and he works 1 and bowls 3 nights a week ( which is where he met his current side dish). I am on disability, no job prospects to get off of it and want to get out of here. No one has room for me and I refuse to ask anyway. No options, no future possibilities, no light at the end of the tunnel. Just want a little place with a porch and a yard and room for GB's to spend the night. God, I do not like where I am at this point in my life and need help.

Breathe in, breathe out.